when my time has come, will you paint my toes and pencil in my eyebrows?
will you make sure my hair is just so? crimson and spiky.
what is it about my body leaving the physical world that implies things have to be just so.
forgive me. i asked you to.
vanity served me well. for a time.
perhaps i’m afraid you can only remember me this way?
i want you to miss me. not the shell.
my soul.
where are u my dark haired, brown eyed butch?
there is no well for us to fall into now.
court me. u r my gallant gentleman.
i am the delicious femme u desire.
i will adore, honor and pleasure u again, and again.
we will not be divided.
friends sometimes come to us under the most unusual or difficult circumstances.
when we least expect to bond with someone for reasons we may not ever understand, but accept the moment for what is and the future for what it may be.
this is a wonderful expression of the universe and all that is good.
a lifetime of connection filled with laughter, more laughter, and love.
she was my first.
and then he.
years apart.
no more, no less.
love beyond explanation.
my children loving their children.
years apart.
no more, no less.
love beyond explanation.
me loving my children.
all their lives.
no more, no less.
love beyond explanation.
fingers that strum.
you write songs?
your turquoise guitar is fabulous.
i write poetry.
thoughts that connect words.
my mind is brilliant.
hmmmm…
do we stand a chance?
cancer and sagittarius?
i want to wander, but…
you need stability.
moon and philosophy, water and fire.
freedom and emotional security.
i cannot be tied down, or i will flutter away.
i connect words, you write music.
could we be?
you surprised me in a dream last night.
it was unsettling.
such a long time since i have seen you, wanted you.
and you wanting me.
why did you show up, now?
we were awkward.
wanting each other in the same place we were long ago.
but it is not the same now.
i will love our connection forever, but can never love you again.
the silver chord has been severed.
i thought of you today.
fire flies hovering above the lilies and lariope.
at dusk i saw their fluttering wings.
in the dark i saw neon twinkles, guiding them.
there were no fire flies in your life before me.
i fluttered in.
i hovered over you for as long as i could, trying to guide you to me.
you landed somewhere else.
fire fly, will you return to me?
i knew there was some deep darkenss, but you would never let me in.
you never told me, but i knew.
it makes sense now.
i want to let go of not being able to soothe you.
my love was not enough for your rage.
it would never have been enough.
i want to come out of hiding.
my retreat has no purpose now.
i have been there too long.
i want to begin again.
no more self-doubt.
in this new place i want to be me and be loved.
please help me.
it all makes sense now.
how’s this for ego?
i don’t want you to feel the way i do now.
egotists always assume you’ll feel the same way they do – ha!
i don’t want you to hurt so deeply it feels as if your chest is coming apart.
i don’t want you to weep so loudly that it becomes a howl.
i don’t want you to hate yourself so much for not doing some minor thing that all you can do is rage.
i don’t want you to remember how annoyed you were when i couldn’t put on my own socks and you had to help me.
i don’t want you to remember how frustrated you were when i repeatedly said i was lonely – it’s wasn’t always about needing something from you. i just wanted to say how i was feeling.
i don’t want you to feel like you need to spend time with me on sundays. and if you do, please don’t. a crossword puzzle is a better plan that sitting around with someone who wants to be somewhere else.
i really don’t want you to remember all the things you could have or should have done, because i probably forgot what i asked you to do anyway.
and, besides even if i did need, ask or want you to do something for me and you didn’t…
i believed you loved me anyway.
looking for someone looking for a muse.
i want to be a muse.
i mean, i’m inspirational.
i want to be known as a muse.
perhaps a famous muse of sorts.
like, call me out at a dinner party – an adele and emma moment.
certainly, i’ve been the reason for some random brilliance?
i’ll be naked if you want to paint me.
i’ll sing if you can bear it.
i’ll dance for you.
i’ll read softly to you in bed until you fall asleep.
i’ll be whatever you need me to be, but i need to be your muse.
call 867-5309 if interested.
ifbychanceyouunderstand 